Jesse's Jihad

Jesse's Jihad

Jesse Ventura versus the TSA

In November 2010, Jesse Ventura suffered smack-down, that is, a pat-down while attempting to pass through the scanner at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport. While emerging physically sound from the encounter he was nonetheless severely pissed.

Never one to shy away from conflict, Jesse launched himself into the jaws of the Federal agencies charged with preventing terrorists from blowing up airplanes full of people and scattering their remains over hill and dale.

He sued the U.S. Department of Homeland Security (DHS) and its secretary, Janet Napolitano, as well as the Transportation Security Administration (TSA), and its administrator, John Pistole.

Mr. Ventura maintains he suffered a loss of dignity and privacy during the pat down. He also felt he should be free of unreasonable search and seizure while flying the friendly skies. Ventura did not make clear whether he believes that these same rights should be afforded to terrorists whose bodies are strapped to firebombs.

Not the least of his complaints is that the illegal search met the criteria for an unlawful sexual assault. Apparently, the roving hands of the guard gave in to temptation – or were careless in the prosecution of his duties – and gripped and rubbed Mr. Ventura’s genital and other sensitive areas of his body, by his account.

The lawsuit festered as it made its way through the legal system to Minnesota’s federal court where in November 2008 it was dismissed on the grounds that the court did not have jurisdiction. Ventura was quick to accuse the judges of cowardice, as he posed and pontificated in front of a television camera crew from his television program.

Jesse allowed as how he would not appeal the case since it was likely to simply be dismissed again. He did say that he has lost his patriotism and would file for dual citizenship with Mexico. Whenever the national anthem played he claimed he would turn his back and raise his fist to demonstrate his disdain. Ventura asserted that he would not be treated like a criminal and so would never fly commercially again.

In a parting comment, he did manage to turn the stomach of his audience when he intimated that he might run for President and right the wrong committed against him.